Strange and Beautiful

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xoxo
toni

I have this song stuck in my head right now.

Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening
To watch shepard meet shepard
But you're not allowed
You're Uninvited
An unfortunate slight

--

I thought of sharing this quote form a good ol friend o' mine...

'be very careful if you make a woman cry bec god counts her tears. the woman came out of a man's rib, not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior of but from the side to be equal with. under the arm to be protected for and next to the heart to be loved.'

So There. Martha, are you readin'? :)

Last night, I've watched the advance screening of the
movie Nacho Libre with my boo at Shangrila Mall. It was an outrageously funny movie indeed that concentrates on Mexico wrestling. Admittedly, I enjoyed every minute of it eventhough i am no fan of Jack Black.



This is what i call sweet moments of life..



Ssssh...Just between you and me
secret: sometimes i can't sleep because i am so excited to wake up & have breakfast.
secret: i fear sudden death and not be able to do the things i am supposed to.
secret: I am thrilled to receive a cute red 'piggie bank' from you.. ( You amaze me )

Lesson: Vanity kills.

Things to be excited about:

1. beach bummin' with Pearly and Martha this August
2. A walk with my dogs
3. Dinner tonight with fam
4. A beaded top i've been eye-ing for days
5. Embassy Bar ( Fort ) Turns ONE tomorrow
6. A friend's gig on the 29th

--

I once read that the ancient Egyptians had fifty words
for sand & the Eskimos had a hundred words for snow. I wish I had a thousand words for love, but all that comes to mind is the way you move me in a very surprising way & there are just no words for that.

I have a 'lil space like a bubble of happiness and it feels like theres no other freaking way for anyone to pop it just like that.

Last saturday I've seen my High school, College and Childhood friends ( you, guys made me so happy ), plus i got to spend the day with my lola ( she was a beauty queen her time ) my family and relatives.



I'd like to thank my mom for all the cooking, my dad
for the 'sea food' hunt, my brother for the 'lil waiter act'.. haha. Ice B ( Looking forward to that dentist date.. i'm having a hard time believing you are STILL single, with that killer smile? ) , Precious S ( Damn! i can't believe you made yourself that hot.. hee ) , Ritchelle ( looking good as ever huh? ), Juvy P ( I so love the dolphins! mwah. ), Martha ( The Album is a dope! :) Luve it! I am a bit sad Pearly can't make it, yah ryt!? ) Chris ( Man, have you been drinking lately? Tee-hee ), Mavelle and Joey ( sorry guys, it took you so long to find my place ), Chelli ( Ghaaad! You made the Microphone sizzle! ), Nice ( i told you to pay me a visit day after, ayt? ), Grace ( Hey! spell voluptuous haha ), Rocelle ( Single-since-birth Club President still? ), Richard and Lexter ( acoustic jammin' with you guys really rocks! ), Hey Lil Perry!, Ryan, Ate Lilibeth, Kuya Jun T ( thanks for all the help ), Apol ( The F*$# you've been thru all that shit? ) Tita Cleth, Ate Lina, Maggie, Chickie, John Paul, Kuya Alex, Ate Malou ( for being the exclusive 'lumpia wrapper' rapper ahahah ), Nichole, Raine, Jacky P., Peter and Friends, Mike ( my first goth friend. I've always wanted to have one. ) Backer, Flakes, Mac and friends, May ( 2nd runner up for Eat Bulaga's TV babes ), Carlo, Tita Yoly ( Thanks for the pasta ), Salcedo family, Lipata Family, Jen L., Sheryl P. My Tito and Tita, my dear cousins..and for those peeps who have sent me bday greetings..




I appreciate y'all.. xoxo

Babe, i am so head over heels inlove with you...

This day has been one of the greatest days of my entire existence.... I am so blessed to have all these people in my life...

Thank you, Sweet Jesus...

Superman @ imax

Yesterday, i was absent for work. I had this terrible allegies all over! ( allergic to sea food and the likes ) I had to sit back at the garden relax and chill out the whole day. After quite a while I had to go back inside the house for it was raining real hard.



Watchin' the rain from the window, i had a complete
analization of things... of life... of what i'm doin' with it.. Sittin' crosslegged on my white bed, covers covering knees & feet. I thought friends know you better than yourself. I feel like the world knows me better than i do myself. I feel like there is a big secret spread across my face that everyone can read & snicker at but it's backwards to me & doesn't penetrate my pores. Breaking vulnerability; a teetering scale of fierce defiance. It's easy to say that change is the only constant thing but i am in the part of the rotation where i've forgotten what that means to me, anyway. I am at the part where it seems like this is all there is. I've started taking pictures of myself again because i keep forgetting what i look like. I make faces in the mirror & it makes me jump sometimes because i never knew i could look like that. The petals are being pulled from the trees by the big wind & it feels like things are changing again. I am excited to what life has in store for me.

Moreover,

I think im a cut down on my diet coke intake.. And I guess it's time to watch what i eat. I am getting fat. And i dun like it. Being careless is what i'm up for a change. Darn. I wish i could smoke sometimes i'm hopin' the smoke could take away all the negativities and insecurites.

Guess time's been running out too fast. I need to catch up.

Toni, what the hell?! Wake up!



--

Chellie changed the 'look' of my journal. See i'm not much of a 'tech' person. She is. So i got a lil' help from her. Muchos Gracias, Chelli Vanelli...

'Love not me for comely grace, For my pleasing eye or face, Nor for any outward part: No, nor for a constant heart! For these may fail or turn to ill: Should thou and I sever. Keep, therefore, a true woman's eye, And love me still, but know not why! So hast thou the same reason still To dote upon me ever.' ~ John Wilbye ~

Seems to me like i can never learn life and what it's all about. I seem to have been here before, it's not the first time I have felt its necessary to post a 'public' apology for my lack of ability to keep up with life.. Plus, i'm having a hard time dealing with the truth that life is for living not for pecuniary gain and you can't please all of the people all of the time. And so it is.

" I'm sort of tryin' to mask the fact that i've heard you say 'She's a big mistake' And it hurts. But, i'm not cursin' In fact, i am wishin' you well and all that stuff."

I believe in Good karma though.

Tan si usted desea amarme entonces darlin ' no se refrena o yo apenas terminará encima de walkin ' en la lluvia fría de noviembre

( So if you want to love me then darlin' don't refrain Or I'll just end up walkin' In the cold November Rain. )

At the middle of a very boring, usual day Juvy along with Chris CONRAD and i were talking about Grimace, the three-foot fuzzy purple mascot, while we were eating at guess what? Mcdonald's ( and i'm orderin' the same thing here over and over, i just dun knoe why ). So We were thinking what is this thing really made of? Some says he's a tastebud, some says he's a crayon and to some he's just a plain purple thingy that hangs around with Ronald Mcdonald and friends. I was about to suggest that i'd do some research about 'it'. And to my surprise Juvy found this website that contains lots of info about this purple McDonald's spokes "person".

Here are the tidbits of some non sense info about 'him'.. err 'it'? whatever!

The true story of Grimace:

There was a McDonald's restaurant in Pittsburgh, PA, that didn't clean out their deep fryer for one full year. When they finally did clean the sludge out of the bottom, they found a small, furry, purple thing that they believed to be remnants of a scarf that an employee had lost that past January. They put the fuzzy thing aside to show to the employee because she kept claiming that someone had stolen it. The next morning, the fuzzball was gone.

Everyone assumed that one of the rats had taken it for bedding, and no one thought of it again for several years until they noticed that the fryer grease was disappearing overnight. The manager set up a surveillance camera to see if they could figure out what was happening to the grease.

When they gathered to watch the film the next day, they were shocked to see a three-foot fuzzy purple creature emerge from behind a stack of Big Mac Styrofoam containers (this was before they became environmentally friendly and switched to paper containers) and go to the fryer with one of those wide McDonald's straws and suck about three inches of grease out of the fryer.

The next night they waited inside the store for the creature and befriended it. Over the years, Grimace grew to be the huge, friendly, fuzzy, purple McDonald's friend that we all know and love.

Period. haha

I'm so sick. I've got flu for days. It's the worst time ever for being sick. I'm throwing a party at my place couple of days from now... and then what? I am fuckin' sick? Right. I'm having a hard time catching my sleep nowadays maybe because i've always been up late watching scary movies and all. Which ain't good. I get to have these real problematic eye bags ( believe me you can fit the entire luggage in there )

The past two nights have been sheet-rain: the kind where, in movies, two strangers step into an alcove or a doorway for shelter & end up falling in love. Sheeeshy.

Anyhow, i am making this day productive..

by hook or by crook....

And so i hit the couch last Friday to watch the movie 'REALITY BITES'. It's one good romantic-comedy film that depicts Gen X peeps as 'slackers' ( good thing i belong to Gen Y or whatever! ). I love the kissing scene of Troy ( Hawke ) and Lelaina ( Ryder ), no wonder he was a two time MTV Movie Award Best Kiss Nominee for the movies Reality Bites '94 and Before Sunrise '95.

Wait, I think i've watched like three films in a row that day. Imagine me with my old pink pajamas middle of the day, ass glued, and consuming lots of junk food sucking my fingers and all that. haha. Being home by myself is surreal and kinda lonely, but it's good having the space you need.

Bounce... Bounce.. Bounce...

8th of July at exactly 12am, mom woke me up with a kiss and softly whispered 'happy birthday'. She led me downstairs to which my kid bro and dad were waiting.
I had the most incredible midnight snack with my family.

I was sort of sad at first 'coz it's my birthday yet it was raining real hard ( why is that? ) plus i am so sick, which is not so cool, but with all the greetings i've received from friends and relatives i've realized it wasn't that bad after all. I have all these people making me feel i am extra loved..

~ Mom, Dad, bro thank you for the gift.
To my best friends, childhood friends, college and high school pals, former office mates and relatives, Precious, Ice, Martha, Pearly, Slim.. i am so blessed to have you, guys..
For my newly found friends in Medicall: Juvy, Chris, Lalaine, Mike, Chelle and MM who have greeted me a week before, thank you so so much and i really do appreciate the friendship. For those who have sent emails and SMS greetings i appreciate it, guys. See y'all at my place on the 15th, ayt?
And babe, thank you so much. I love the gift!
But I still think YOU are the best 'present' ever! *wink* ~

I am looking forward to this..



Ready for clubbin' now, peeps? xoxo

Lesson learned: The years teach much which the days never knew.

After lunch, i went home straight yesterday. Watched tv and ate some home made cookies. Mah boo and i played with my new digital camera, took a lotta pictures and more. I love this camera. It brings my vanity to a whole new level. haha Afterwhich we decided to watch the movie 'Reality Bites' but wasn't able to finish it for we were totally knocked out already ( he's also workin' GY ) So he had to leave right then.

Man, i am totally stressed out of work. Feels like i've been workin' my ass real hard for centuries and no rest at all. Starin' far out from my window, rain fallin' i closed my eyes, the sound of roaring thunder and the shadow of a backyard tree made me a bit uncomfortable. I tossed and turn, had a hard time catching sleep.

Today i woke up with a freakin' headache. I'd like to bang my head to the wall like a mad man. If it only wouldn't hurt that much. It was only yesterday that i was like 'Ei people, look at me kickin' up my heels in pure glee!' Now i feel like i'm a totally batt-drained robot! Pfeew. I am just not myself today. And i am havin' a real baaaaad hair day!

It is my birthday tomorrow & my birthday is a really big deal to me. I am scared to grow old & scared that my time is running out & afraid that i will forget the past as i learn more. I'm scared of change but excited to be alive and learn more.

More so,

I'm having birthday greetings eventhough i turned off the friendster/myspace bday alert mode ( whatever ) Just to know who among my circle of friends know my birth date by heart and amazingly, it outstripped my expectation! haha Ghaa-ad i feel loved! Thank you, peeps! And to you babe, thanks for always keepin' me sane. I love you too well.

I went to a club and party. I didn't know any single person out there. Just found myself dancin' to the beat and presto i'm surrounded with instant friends. And then i cab my way home, i know my dad would freak out if he learns this but i care less, i am totally not myself to wait for the carpool. When i reached home, i realized i left my keys and so i had to make use of the doorbell like crazy. Mom opened the gate and was like 'are you okay?', and i'm 'uh-huh'.

Man, i'm a year older days from now, i'd like to do some crazy stuff, you know things that you can only do while you're young like bunjee jumping, skydiving and the likes. I think i'm a try those recreational activities one of these days. I've actually tried rappelling back in High school, i enjoyed it. It actually helped me gain self esteem and trust in a team training atmosphere ( FYI: I was a CAT officer back then ).

I'm super excited for next month. My schedule will be changed from graveyard to day shift. That means a lot of night life. Hell Yeah! Imagine after what almost three years of having to drag myself to work while everyone's fast asleep, havin' to wait for cabs in the wee hours of the night, i'd be back to a much normal kinda life. Awesome, right?! But i know this aint for good, sooner i'd be back to GY again. haha Atleast i get to sleep at night along with my family for weeks, atleast my dog wont be sniffing me with the 'you-are-toni-if-im-not-mistaken' look in his eyes. I'd prolly be meeting some old friends within that time frame. Which is a good thing.
It's sure nice to have things to look forward to. For you've got reasons to smile everytime you wake up.

Anyhow, i'm meeting up with my boo later and i'm eating pasta! Yehheeeyy!

Yesterday, i went to Abenson to have my dream digicam ( Canon PowerShot SD30 / IXUS iZoom ). Boo yeah! I've been itching to have this cam for like ages and now i have it! So so cool!

After which i went straight ahead to the vet. I nearly burst into tears when i saw my dog jumpin' and playin' with his vet at the clinic. It was three straight days that i haven't seen him that way. I'm glad he's ok now.

After work, i am planning to finish this book that i've been reading for a week now. Admittedly, i don't find the story that interesting so maybe that's the reason why i fall asleep everytime. :) But what the heck, i'm reading it anyway. heh.

I have one 'lil advice for myself today. I have to be IN CONTROL of my life. I shouldn't let these circumstances get into me. Life is a continuous learning. Along the way, it's struggles make you fall but it gives everyone a chance to get up and fight. Just Remember to..

~ Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed. ~

End of story.

I am such a blog addict. I update hour after hour after hour. haha. What can i do? i love my life too well, it's a shame to miss details of it. tee-hee

Oh, Look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Hi y'all.

Funny how people set all the qualifications they could think of, but they end up having someone or something far afar from what they've enumerated or sited. A good example for this is a friend who keeps on bragging that she's gonna be having N90 mobile, she kept on sayin' ' i want this bec it suits her taste goes with the features and... and .. yakity yakity. yak.' but then weeks later she had N6230 instead. An aquaintance once told me she gets turned on by baldy guys, she finds it appealing and really sexy and that if she wanna commit to anyone better it with a baldy guy. To my surprise, just met her and her new bf ( fondling with his violin ) and his that ugh.. AFRO hair! ( yes with a scary looking DO like this.. )

Taaahh-daaaan..



Would this actually mean that we don't really know what we want until we get it? I mean, do we really have to settle on something first before we get to appreciate the existence of such? Say, i'm holding a digicam that i don't think fits any of the criteria that i'm looking for a digicam but do i have to use it first before i get to say 'yah i like it'. If that's the case then there should be the 'use first-pay later' policy. ( man, that would be awesome! ) Sad fact there aint any policy that exists on the face of the planet. ( just this stupid zit on mah nose. heh )

Yesterday, i went to Animal Clinic in Pasig. My poodle is so sick that i gotta have him be diagnosed right away. The doctor told me that he's having Parasitism ( not sure though ) that he needs blood examination, oral sumtin sumtin' and vaccination. Damn i was like who? what? yah and uum. What the! Tell it to me straight. Is He dying? Oh no! The doc showed me the microscope and i can't believe these friggen parasites swarming around. So i was like 'Pls save him'. The blood testing and examination took 2 hours and the doctor advised me to leave Oreo in the clinic for further evaluation. Oh i'm missin' him. I'd visit him later after work and bring him some dog treats. I hope it's cool to take him home now.

I mentioned earlier on one of my posts that i'd be celebrating my natal day in Puerto on the day itself, but the plan has been changed for certain reasons. ( Damn my life is flying by way too fast )The day will be for close friends and relatives. Hah can't hide the fact that i'm excited nuh? Guess i'm not good with hiding feelings unlike this person i know who's head over heels inlove with somebody but can't reveal his deep emotions due to.. oopss..
( Rules of Blogging No. 5 ) Mah bad. :)

Life is ..Strange and Beautiful.

Sometimes
the last thing you want comes in first
Sometimes
the first things you want never come
And I know
that waiting is all you can do
Sometimes

I practically slept the whole day yesterday. Went home around afternoon and woke up for work day after. I dunno if my calculations correct but i think it was like more than the required hours of a shut eye. hah.

So i was like snoopin' around someone else's blog 'til i ended up on this site which content i cannot take ( but it was sure nice to read on. tee-hee ). It was about a teener having an affair with his mother in law. When dad's out for work, the woman ( around 30 somethin' ) would creep unto the young boy's bedroom and make out. The boy would go about details as if he's proud of what's he's doin'.

As for my point of view, i have nothin' against May-Dec affair or the likes i am just not comfortable with the idea of Infidelity more so carryin' a relationship with someone closely related to your significant other. tsk. Infidelity is a sign that something is seriously wrong with the existing relationship. And for me it is considered to be objectionable or abhorrent by society.

The comment box was really temptin', and i was real close to sayin' 'ei, boy what the fuck are you doin? stop the shit and have some respect to your father!' but then, it's his life and im no saint. I have my own skeletons in the closet. ( but im not spillin'. heh ) We all do. Believe me.

Do we really need to have a set of priorities in life? I mean do we have to measure up things like which one goes first and so on?

Things like this ain't easy. Having to realize that what you wanna do first ends up being the last for there are other important things to worry about. People around you could sometimes come up with several reasons why this one SHOULD comes first on your 'priority list'. And then you find yourself writing on a piece of paper, 'My Priority List' but having to rephrase it as 'My Priority List According To Them'.. So sad.

On my way home, the movie entitled 'My Bestfriend's Wedding' came into my mind, the exact scene where Julianne Potter ( played by Julia Roberts ) has been told 'This Too Shall Pass'.. Like it just popped out of nowhere. Maybe it's just my guardian angel's way of sayin' 'Don't worry now, Toni, things will be alright..' Imagine, i'm touched by an angel? haha

This song reminds me of one person. :)

~ I'll keep you locked in my head until we meet again..
And I won't forget you my friend ~